A search for meaning - What is life?
From a young age I set out to understand what it was to be human. What is life? What are the rules, the rewards? How could I find my place in it? I guess that’s what happens when you combine a young, curious mind with early experiences of mortality.
It just seemed wrong. My losses and pain didn’t fit with the cultural narrative of what life was supposed to be. Nowhere in school or on children’s TV do they tell you about grief, isolation and loss. So you start to distrust them as sources of truth, you tune out. Sure school teaches you about algebra and grammar but it doesn’t teach you how to get out of bed when all you can feel is emptiness and your 12. Our society shields children from much of the darker sides of life, that when children do experience them, the adults don’t really know what to do. Or at least that was my experience.
And so led my exploration of life and meaning that are typically not the domain of the young adolescent. Psychology, philosophy, self-help, spirituality. It is a weird thing to be 16 and searching through the same part of the bookstore as people having their mid life crises. But there we were all searching for answers, young and old, hoping to find a few lines of wisdom to soothe our discontent.