Showing posts from 2011

Inner peace

I am peaceful yet I feel a great sense of joy and inspiration.

Twenty Five

As I come to my 25th birthday I find myself reflecting on the first quarter of my life. I have survived birth, childhood, the breakdown of my parents’ marriage, the death of my father and several others, step fathers, isolation, never ending change, moving houses and schools. I have survived adolescence, puberty, the battle of self-esteem, identity, relationships, sex, social dynamics, love, the gauntlet of drugs and alcohol, power and perfectionism.
I have survived a science degree. To have my innate ignorance challenged and to be inspired by the amazing, exquisite beauty that exists in this universe. From the atom, to DNA, stars, galaxies, animals, evolution, humans, life death and disease, behaviour, mind, consciousness, the list is endless.
I traversed this challenge to ignorance while surviving leukaemia. With 26 months of chemotherapy, weeks of radiation, 20+ lumbar punctures all the while bald, obese and with a tube in my chest. Only then as I began to get better did my next c…

Individual Human Potential


Prologue of 'The Oracle'

It was icy in the winter quadrant of Crimea the night I awoke.

It just is...



It has been some time now since I last posted. I have gone through some deep internal transitions. I have come to find some things different to how I thought they were.

The last few months have been a difficult time for me. I have been changing, letting go. It is hard to express what has occurred except to say I have been going through a process. Traveling deep within seeking meaning and my authentic self.

The internet: Creating what already was

We once knew the world as a universal, collective communication system. Only we forgot, we disconnected and turned into rational, logical thinking beings. The logic of materialism. We knew something was missing. So we invented the internet. A universal, collective communication system. Welcome back to the stream of consciousness.

Moving On

I miss my friend. 
I miss feeling like I have someone who I can tell anything to and they will listen, interested. I feel alone. 
As I have moved on with my life, growing, changing and stretching myself to be the best I can be, the clearest I can be, I find myself alone. 
Submerged deep within my issues there was always someone to drown sorrows with, to get wasted with, to distract myself with. Yet it seems quite lonely here, when I have released so much pain, pushing out my boundaries expanding. 
I am trying to let go of the past, perhaps I’m succeeding far better than I realized. I am different, I have changed and as a result what once fit does no longer. 
I am grieving for my loss. In shifting to a better place within myself I have had to let go of the one I was closest to. This is painful. I am hurting. 
I wish I had my friend again.


I am in the middle of an awakening. This is simultaneously the most amazing and exhausting experience I have had. The superficial details of who I used to be have been dissolving rapidly as I delve deeper into self. Unravelling issues, barriers and thoughts I once identified with.
I have moments where I catch a glimpse of the cosmic connection, where I feel the flow of universal light and love, but mostly at this stage I feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Each time I make progress, discover, integrate and move forward on an issue another challenge immediately arises.
I don’t know where all this is taking me. I don’t know who or what I will be at the end, if there is one. All I know is that I am being cleansed of all the old beliefs that once constrained me. 

Grey Days


What's in a name?

I had never looked into the words instinctive transmission, the title of my blog. It was just the title that came to me in 2005 when I wrote my first blog. Six years later the name still fits.

The fallen flower

I started writing this on Thursday night, I was inspired by the emotions of the day, from my life and by a lone flower I found on the ground on the way home
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful flower. She was delicate and exquisite perched high in her tree, radiant as she basked in the warm glow of the sun. One day for no reason that could be fathomed she began to feel different. As days past the strange sense grew and she began to feel less connected to the tree, no longer familiar. Each night as the sun would descend and the great moon rose to shine above she would remain awake scared of her rapidly changing feelings.

One morning she awoke to find herself on the ground alone. The little flower was shocked. She had now completely broken off from the tree, far out of the reach of the warm love of the sun. She was scared for she was alone, there were no other flowers on the ground. Even though seasons had been shifting and cycling for time immemorial she did not know t…

Just being

I am learning what it means to be me.
I come home at night to lie in the arms of the man I love.
I wake up joyous because I am living my dream.
It may not work out as planned and I wont be the same person tomorrow as I am today
but I am free.
Free from the cage in which I once lived,
I step towards the future aware, I am actively creating my world.

The Hero's Journey by Joseph Campbell

The Hero's Journey(On Living in the World)
by Joseph Campbell

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.
What you have to do, you do with play.
Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be.

Being alive is the meaning.

The warrior’s approach is to say “yes” to life: “Yea” to it all.

Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world.
We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.
When we talk about settling the world’s problems, We’re barking up the wrong tree.
The world is perfect. It’s a mess. It has always been a mess.

We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.

If we fix on the old, we get stuck. when we hang onto any form, we are in danger of putrefaction.
Hell is life drying up. The Hoarder, the one in us that want…