I broke up a relationship that needed to end.A friend of mine said something to me a couple of months back that really caught in my mind like a barb. Is it not wrong to be with someone when you already know how it will end and that you will be the one to end it?
Just a matter of time in a comfortable limbo, where neither person is gaining anything or growing. You are just there because you are. An old routine you haven't evaluated in a long time because you don't want to think about all the holes and frayed edges.
I really did try to let love conquer all.I told myself that maybe this is what a long term relationship was. I lied to myself saying maybe this is the best I'll ever get and that it was enough for me. But none of these things were true and deep down I knew it. I was getting tired of trying so hard.
So I did what I do when I have reflected, when I can clearly see that something is wrong. I took action. I broke the seal. I removed myself from my comfort zone. A safety net that has been with me through-out my illness is no more. Its hard to move away from someone you love without hurting them. A delicate surgery.
For now more than anything else I need to be on my own. So much has happened. I need to see myself without the lens of a relationship distorting my view. I don't want to be responsible for anyone else. I want and need to be selfish right now, to put my energy into my projects, my future.
I am happy. I am doing what I want without letting anything pull me down or hold me back. I am doing what I do best, moving forward.
I love my medical science degree. It makes me feel good. Everyday there is more to learn and problems to solve. I am constantly being given new pieces of the puzzle that is the human body. It is such a remarkable machine with so many levels.