Break up

I broke up a relationship that needed to end. 

A friend of mine said something to me a couple of months back that really caught in my mind like a barb. Is it not wrong to be with someone when you already know how it will end and that you will be the one to end it?

Just a matter of time in a comfortable limbo, where neither person is gaining anything or growing. You are just there because you are. An old routine you haven't evaluated in a long time because you don't want to think about all the holes and frayed edges.

I really did try to let love conquer all. 

I told myself that maybe this is what a long term relationship was. I lied to myself saying maybe this is the best I'll ever get and that it was enough for me. But none of these things were true and deep down I knew it. I was getting tired of trying so hard.

So I did what I do when I have reflected, when I can clearly see that something is wrong. I took action. I broke the seal. I removed myself from my comfort zone. A safety net that has been with me through-out my illness is no more. Its hard to move away from someone you love without hurting them. A delicate surgery.

For now more than anything else I need to be on my own. So much has happened. I need to see myself without the lens of a relationship distorting my view. I don't want to be responsible for anyone else. I want and need to be selfish right now, to put my energy into my projects, my future.

I am happy. I am doing what I want without letting anything pull me down or hold me back. I am doing what I do best, moving forward.

I love my medical science degree. It makes me feel good. Everyday there is more to learn and problems to solve. I am constantly being given new pieces of the puzzle that is the human body. It is such a remarkable machine with so many levels.

I am passionate about what I do and that makes all the difference. 

In this part of my life I know I am doing the right thing. I'm excited by the opportunity to use my mind in such a way that I will be making a positive impact on the world. To help those who truly need it. At this moment there is no doubt in my mind that I will become a doctor. Exactly what type can wait until I've had more exposure.


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